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After Sacrifice

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Wolf in a Gilded Cage [23 Feb 2005|10:30pm]

Cat had found herself in a quite plush room, on a comfortable bed, in luxurious clothing, with great food. But it was still a cage. The door knobs didn't turn - and were silver. The food was on a silver tray, but her "host" had taken care that it didn't taint food and she wouldn't have to touch it.

The room itself was reminiscent of the middle ages. The paintings on the wall - one a dark haired version of Seraphine - and the other the man Cat could only assume was "Lord Hargrave." Making the woman who looked like Seraphine her mother? All the clothing in the wardrobe was rennasaincy, and the room was full of candles.

It was the full moon when she woke to the food and strange room. She explored for ways to escape, but found none. She pounded and called for her captor, but heard and smelt no sign of life - or unlife. She then went to the window and pounded and howled in frustration - again to no effect. She finally sunk to the floor, crying and howling while she pounded on the window.
Slay it!

Bad News [16 Feb 2005|09:16pm]

I hate being the bearer of Bad News. How do you tell a guy who is basically your brother that zombies have kidnapped his mate.

We don't even have much information to give him. A couple of possible locations. Not much in the way of reasons or what happened. Ok, that's not true, pick your reason. Lord Hagrave only has about four different possibilites to use her for.

So, I'm just sitting here on the porch trying to figure out what and how to say. "Don't panic but Cat's been taken by Zombies." "Vance, Dawnie, Sit down..." OY!
Slay it!

Wishing a Happy Birthday [13 Feb 2005|08:34pm]

[ mood | loving ]

Cat knew that Vance wasn't big on the birthday thing, but he was still her boy, and she would still want to celebrate and honor the day he was brought into this world.

So she had done a little bit to the basement. There were roses and candles - the romantic not the occultic type - set up, and luxury sheets on the bed. She had even made a birthday cake for them to share with the whole pack.

On the table was a wrapped gift with a note saying, "To celebrate the day you entered the world, without which you could have never entered my life. I love you."

Slay it!

Investigating [10 Feb 2005|11:48pm]

Cat had chosen not to tell Vance about the strangeness, not until she had a little bit more to go on. So when Vance and Dawn went out to patrol, she did a bit of patrolling herself - just around the house.

She would sit on the porch, looking for all the world like she was just waiting on the others to get home. Yet, she was keeping her ears and nose alert for anything that might be out of place.
Slay it!

Never too old to skateboard. [07 Feb 2005|03:24pm]

"It's going to be a long night," Thought Sam as she sat at the table in the dining area of her apartment. She was wearing a pair of off the hip black jeans and a white camisole as she sat there, cleaning out her guns, making sure all parts were in perfect working condition before putting them back in her locked case. She sighed not enjoying the fact that she was reassigned to be with a partner. Apparently Samantha had been going AWOL and forced to team up with someone she had yet to meet in the force.

Sam went from her dining area to her bedroom and noticed something on her bed; it was a short black dress and a pair of tight shorts to go under. On top of the clothes there was a note that said, "Tonight we dance among demons my sweet". Sam dropped the card and looked around, wondering who and how they got into her apartment. Pushing the clothes onto the floor she then crawled into bed and proceeded to sleep.

Just as she was about to enter the deepest part of sleep her phone rang. Sam's eyelids jumped opened as she looked around and just rolled over, trying to go back to sleep through the rings. On the fifth ring her answering machine came on, "This is Samantha, you know what to do you little f-" BEEP

"Agent Reynolds, I do not think that is an appropriate answering message for your designated living quarters. This is Agent Jones; I was expecting you to be putting those clothes on and out here to prepare for assignment. So get out of bed and get down to the meeting area..."

Sam jumped in bed and looked around for cameras or anyone in her room. Grabbing a stake that was on her nightstand she got out from bed and looked around each corner.

"Samantha.... do you really think I am there? And that oversized toothpick is going to do nothing for you. Put down the stake and get ready for assignment."

Sam glanced around and thought she spotted a moving shadow as she used the stake as a dart, making the tip of the stake embedded into the wall.

"Enough games Samantha. I am coming up to get you"

A CLICK ended the message.

Hearing a ding and the opening of gates to her apartment complex Sam rushed across the room, grabbed her wallet and Bass case before moving to the window. Her heart raced as she pushed the window open and started down the fire escape with bass strapped to her back. She flew down the stairs with small thumps before jumping off the last rung and booking it. She couldn't take her car, which could be traced, so she slipped into a skater shop. After purchasing a "No fear" sweatshirt, sunglass and a nifty skateboard, Sam proceeded to skate down the street as she ducked between streets until she reached the Summer home. Flipping her skateboard into her arms she began to pound on the door.
3 Vampires| Slay it!

Life Goes On [05 Feb 2005|09:38pm]

Things are still kind of quiet. Vance and Dawn do their patrolling thing and kill demons and vampires, but otherwise there hasn't been any big badness. I guess that's a good thing, only it really freaks me out. When there is big badness - then we don't have to worry about what is coming and how to prepare for it. All we have to do is figure out what to do to respond to the problems. Waiting is just... hard.

I have noticed one thing though, there are some rather odd smelling people wandering around the house lately. Like... smelling like a funeral home odd. I noticed them again tonight. I'll let Vance knows when he gets home. "Hey, love. How was Patrol? Here's some Hot Chocolate. I think vampires might be casing the house."

Classes are going well. I'm actually working with wolves now, so its like... incredible. I think they know that I'm not totally unrelated from them. I really enjoy it. They're not the same as the pack, but there is a connection... a kind of primal natural connection. Sometimes I think that they understand what I say, and its weird, I understand a lot more about the dynamics than any of the others seem to. One of the full time handlers told me that the so wrong wolf was the alpha.

Things with Vance are just wonderful. He has a birthday coming up, and I'm trying to come up with a great surprise for him. Hopefully a surprise that will be completely safe from his parents ruining it.
Slay it!

Proposal Continued [04 Jan 2005|03:56pm]

Will was positively beaming as Tara accepted and took the box. Inside was a ring, traditional perhaps but nonetheless. It was a simple gold band with a heart shaped diamond, not too small but not huge.

"I kinda thought we could work out the details together... you know, do the whole planny thing." She leaned over to kiss her, "And I know the ring is all traditionally, but I wanted my girl to have the absolute best. You deserve the world."
Slay it!

A New Hope for the New Year [01 Jan 2005|11:55am]

Willow sat in the bedroom, holding the tiny box. She had debated over and over how to do this. Whether Tara would even want to do this. She had finally convinced herself that it wouldn't matter if Tara said no, so long as she was still her girl. She had rejected the idea f doing it as a Solstice present, and she had only lit the candles for Channaka and opened the packages her mother had sent her. She had even chosen not to do it at the strike of midnight. But there was no more time to put it off. Today, on the new year, today was the time.

She took a deep breath and started to go for a spell to calm her nerves. Then she shook her head and mumbled, "No, I have to do this without magic. Just me." She thought it would be more romantic to use fairy lights, but knew she needed to do this on her own.

Holding the box, she went downstairs to find Tara.
5 Vampires| Slay it!

A New Year [01 Jan 2005|11:46am]

Things have been quiet since Dawn came home. Which is great. I think. I know that Dawn being home has made things easier for everyone. I also know that easier is an extremely relative term in this house. She and Ewan have a lot to figure out. I know he still loves her, she is trying to figure out if she can love him. Can't say I envy either of them.

Its the relative quiet that has me worried. I can't help but wonder if its just the calm before the storm. Is it calm right now because shortly things are giong to get really ugly really quickly? Of course it could be that I'm just edgy.

The Holidays were really nice. Vance and I got to spend some time alone, and Up and Away had a few gigs. And I've made up some cute groupy shirts for myself. I think they've developed some other groupies - I notice that some of the people at the gigs are always the same. Would be great to be able to play with them, but music is most definitely not my forte. Besides, then I wouldn't get to watch the cute drummer.

The nice thing about having an inheritance is that I could afford to get everyone in the pack a little something. Which was just fun, being an almost normal girl again Christmas/Solstice shopping. I think Vance was trying not to laugh at me most of the season; I know I was getting into it a lot. But, while its not the first Christmas since I ran that I've had a family - I mean, I did last year too, but this year, I guess with being all united with the wolf, it was just, so much better.

And now we're in a new year. Hopefully this year will be one in which we grow as a pack and everyone grows as individuals. Of course, we'll fight demons and other baddies. I mean, that's what we do. But overall, I'm looking forward to a fantastic year.
Slay it!

Preparations for the holiday... [24 Nov 2004|03:49pm]

[ mood | calm ]

I haven't had a Thanksgiving dinner for so many years.. not since the lovely dinners made by Lucia in Milan, so long ago now. My brother's lovely wife, their two beautiful children... I do miss them still, but the pain has faded to a dull ache. We never had Thanksgiving dinners as children, with my parents archeological pursuits taking us all around the world. No time for holidays. I think that's why Thomas enjoyed the domestic life so much when he had the opportunity to marry and settle down - and truthfully, such a life has its blessings. The time I lived with them, was a sister and an aunt... will always be dear to me.

But here I am in the United States, a part of Clan Summers, invited to Jonathan's house for dinner. Nimik has never had Thanksgiving, so I explained to him about the history of the holiday and various rituals and customs of dining associated with it. He seems very interested in attending the "Great Feast", and I'm quite looking forward to it myself. I'm baking a pumpkin pie as our contribution. Nimik has been helpful to this endeavor, stirring and tasting, and generally keeping me company in the kitchen.

I haven't heard a word from our vampire, Jim. No postcards, letters, or phonecalls. I only hope that this means that he has gone far and settled quietly into a life that will keep him out of trouble, and away from the business end of stakes.

Slay it!

Almost Thanksgiving... [24 Nov 2004|03:23pm]

[ mood | loved ]

I had a wonderful birthday - Michael gave me presents, and made me cake. I stayed over his place, and we watched movies and had snacks and it was just the perfect day. And best of all, he's decided what he's going to do about his soul problem. He's going to be living the good life, doing good deeds. I told him that I'm real proud of him.

Thanksgiving plans are going good - I'm so glad to have some time off from school. Getting homework done with everything that's been going on lately is a real pain. I've got a football game to cheer for today, but other than that I'm pretty much done with school stuff for the rest of the week, yay!

Jon told me though, about Dawn being gone. That's really sad, being away from your friends and family at a time like Thanksgiving. I hope she's doing okay... I really miss her. Our group just isn't the same anymore.. .and I don't know if it's ever going to be. Too many things have changed. I guess we'll just be making the best of what we've got now, when she comes home. If she comes home... she's got to come home, right? I mean, she's the Slayer. This town needs her. We need her...

Slay it!

Celebrations and masks... [20 Nov 2004|02:42am]

[ mood | contemplative ]

I invited Kayla over yesterday, for her birthday -- it wasn't really a fancy get-together or anything, just me and her, and a cake I made. I'm not really good at baking, but give me a can of frosting and a box of cake mix with clear directions, and I can make a perfectly acceptable cake. The squeezy tube of pink frosting that I used to make little ballet shoes, and 'Happy Birthday Kayla' ... well, I wasn't really trying for shoes. But it worked, so who am I to complain?

Anyhow, she had the day off -- her parents are the cool type that think birthdays should be cherished and let her take the day off from school -- so she came over, and we celebrated. I gave her the cake -- and to either her credit or my cooking's credit, she didn't immediately get sick or refuse to eat it. I also got her a few small things... a charm bracelet, with a horse, a dance shoe, and a star - girls like charm bracelets, right? Okay, I'm bad at gift-buying.. but she seemed to like it. She asked me what the star was for... Hope, I told her. Ain't that somethin'?

I also got her a little stuffed horse -- it looked a lot like this horse picture she has in her room, so she really loved that. And I got her a little necklace - with hematite charms and an amethyst point piece in the center. Whitemage fluff aside, it really looks pretty, and it looked especially pretty on her.

We spent the day playing games, and talking, and just hanging out -- and she slept over, and we stayed up far too late watching movies and giggling. It was really really nice. One of those moments you want to save somewhere. And... it's really, really nice, just getting to watch someone sleep, and smile, and know you had something to do with that. S'beautiful.

Meanwhile, I'm still worried about Jonathan. Looking into -- my particular issue -- has been causing him some major problems lately. Thus far, we -- and Tara, and Amy -- have a few solutions. None of them are particularly good.

1) Have a champion challenge Hastie (or more likely, his champion) for ownership rights of my soul.
Since I don't really know anyone who likes me enough to willingly go into hell for me -- well, anyone that actually could do something -- that'd involve me figuring out how to kick the ass of some unknown demonstrosity. Not a good idea.

2) Ninja into the dimension, and try to find and steal the soul back without anyone being the wiser.
Sounds real good... of course, the problem is, who to take along with me, and who'd want to go? Somehow I think that the consensus of the group of allies at large leans strongly away from these two - as they should, I guess. I mean, if it were me, I'd be a bit sarcastic about having to go help some guy get their soul out of hell.

3) Surrender my magic via ritual, to 'cleanse myself of sin'. Which in theory should solve the problem.
This bugs me. Mostly, the heavy 'you have sinned and must repent' crap. I didn't do anything wrong, so what the hell? Furthermore... give up magic? Never. It'd be like... I dunno, giving up sugar. Do you see a lot of happy diabetics in this world? I don't think so.

4) Regrow a soul.
I still don't know what this option involves. It might be combined with the next one. It sounds kinda painful, though... and implies that I don't actually have a soul now, which makes me even more worried about my personal state now...

5) Atone by doing good in life, and hope that karma works.
Okay, first off, this makes me even less comfortable than any of the other options. Mostly because, while it's theoretically the most feasible option, it's also the one that involves a lot more faith than I have in optimism. Who exactly decides whether they should intervene on my behalf and tell Hastie, 'sorry, this dead guy's soul's too good for you'? God? Which god? There's quite a few of them to choose from.

6) Make a deal with another power.
Not too comfy here either. There's the whole 'out of the frying pan and into the fire' thing - coupled with a healthy dose of 'this will make things worse, won't it?' I don't happen to know any gods that like me. If I did, I'd have had them on speed dial a long time ago. And when you're dealing with anything that came out of a Call of Cthulhu book, you want whatever's on your side to reeeally like you before you make any deals.

Those are the options I've heard so far... of course, there's other options...

7) Try to reverse the spell entirely. Side effects: Possible disruption of soul. Especially if I try it. On the plus side, if I utterly obliterate myself, that would solve my spiritual concerns in a Gordian-knot manner. And... maybe the older me has a better idea what to do about this, and about these people. I mean, the only person I really, really know well anymore of the people I remembered is Amy... everyone else seems jaded, somehow. And every now and then, I get an idea of why. Amy looks pretty worn too - I mean, she spent a lot of time as a rat, and now her new beau's left her, and she's working in a diner and taking on boarders at her house just to keep in mugwort -- so much for all of our dreams of a brighter future. The future is cold, and dark, and sad... Anyhow.

8) Go talk to the person who made the spell (oh she who spreads for demons and hates Vance) -- and try to get an out, or more information. Very risky. On the one hand, she might hate Vance, and offer a way out (that probably involves damning my soul in a -different- way.) On the other hand, she might just try to kill me. And obviously, it's just not a good idea to go visit someone that everyone else is afraid of.

9) Exchange a soul for mine. Chloe's springs to mind pretty fast -- I mean, she did start this mess. But really, the most 'fair' soul to put on the block instead of mine would be Mrs. Marlowe's herself. Demons love to do that sort of trade... unfortunately, odds are, if I did try such a thing, it would likely ask for Kayla or something, and I don't think I would do that. Maybe if it asked for Vance... he doesn't like my sense of humor, after all... ...heh. Just kidding.

10) Directly seek out my soul captor, and offer my services directly in exchange for being off of his chopping block. Yeah, it'd probably work, but I don't think I'd really want that, and I don't think older me would, either.

I think if it comes down to it, I'll just do what I've been doing -- study as much as I can about the realm... go in, and try to take my soul back myself. And if I fail... it'll be another mysterious disappearance in Sunnydale. No big deal. But I think I'll tell Jon I'm opting for the 'do good works' path for now... then perhaps he can get some rest, and not have Amy fussing over him (although... they -are- both single... but Jon said that Amy would only really pity-date him. Which I guess is kinda true... Amy probably wouldn't date any of us that I know. Except -maybe- Willow. And Willow already has a girlfriend, so no luck there.)

But yeah... for Kayla, for Jon, for everyone... I think I'm just going to paint my mask of smiles and sweetness on, let it last through Thanksgiving, let them see what they want to see, and let them rest. It's been nice while it lasted, but...

Wait, sounds like Kayla's gotten the pizza rolls done. Better go.

Slay it!

Truth and Consequences [16 Nov 2004|05:40pm]

Lots of debating over what to do about Dawnie. I am worried, and maybe I made the wrong decisions last night. Sometimes I think I don't want to be an adult any more. I don't want what Michael got, but sometimes being an adult is much harder than I ever imagined.

I chose, originally, to go with Ewan, Spike, and Tamara to find Dawnie. I also chose to do a divination spell to get a more exact location on Dawnie. I agree with Tara and Vance that we couldn't just go off willy-nillyish into San Francisco. So, I wanted a better source of information. I cast a spell, I used magic. I know Vance disagrees with my choice, but I have to, ultimately, be the one who chooses how and when I use magic.

However, after I came downstairs and Vance, well he didn't say not to go or lecture or anything, but he clearly disapproved. Ewan - oh yeah, Ewan's back with a soul that making love won't cost him - wanted me to go in case, "they needed magic." Even literally picking me up and carrying me, but do I really need to use more magic? I gave them the information I had and chose not to go.

I'm not really sure that was the right choice now that I look back on that. I guess I could have been more, "I'll go, but I'm not using magic."

See, this is why I'm not sure I want to do the grown-up thing anymore - I'm not exactly very good at it. How can I expect Dawnie to listen to me if I'm not even sure I am a good adult in the adulty way?
Slay it!

Guilt? [16 Nov 2004|11:38am]

[ mood | guilty ]

It's funny that the others can't read me as easily as I read them. Actually, it's good. It's better off that I can be there for them, and no one feels they have to be there for me. Other people's problems can help me ignore and avoid my own.

I did some research to try to get Michael's soul back. After a few books, I came across a whole mess of solutions.

The problem is, some of them are evil. Like, downright bad, irredeemably evil. They're are the easier ways, but what happens if he takes them?

I know Vance will just get madder. And I can't guarantee that I woudln't either. But then there are the others.

The dangerous ones.

Nimik. Seraphine. Robo-Buffy. Jimmy.

I know two of those group are killers. I don't know how much of Jimmy got left behind in his years of demon-slaying. (Hey, I knew him through Vance, and I knew even then that Jimmy had a lot of anger in him.) I'm not sure if Robo-Buffy has the same problem with killing that Buffy had.

So I chose to hide the easier ways. The ones that require an act of evil to accomplish. Just to play it safe.

And now, Dawnie has run away.

Willow found the note. She's kind of shaken up. I mean, I'm worried about Dawnie. I just don't want to run blindly off to look for her - last time we did that, someone almost died. Plus, Dawnie was pretty good with playing chess, and now, it's like a chess game extended to all of California.

Apparently, she's in San Franciscio. I know Will wants to go there - and I do too. But . . . a Slayer who doesn't want to be found? Not that easy.

We'll see.

Slay it!

New City [16 Nov 2004|11:14am]

[ mood | determined ]

So my trip to Dad's place was . . . less good than I expected. To say things have changed there is an understatement. I only managed to get out because I was smart. People never give me the credit of being smart.

So I took his car. And a lot of his money. Took that all down in LA, before driving up to San Francisco. It's weird that in a car with tinted windows you can drive really fast up Route 5 without ever being pulled over if you're a minor. I guess BMWs have some kind of special pass as far as the cops are concerned - or that there weren't any cops on Route 5.

I abandoned the car just outside San Francisco, and headed to Pier 39. It did look like the pictures I saw online when I had to do that stupid social studies report. There wasn't much of what I was looking for, so I asked around and found a good youth hostel near Union Square. It costs me about $17 a night, or $110 for a full week.

Its just that a week is all I can get.

I just wonder how long until I have to face more demons again. I didn't expect them where I found them last.

I miss home. But its not home anymore. I don't have a family. I have a robot. Who doesn't care about me or my opinions. I have friends, except they are all older than me (except Kayla and Chloe), and a dead boyfriend who I'm going to have to kill again.

I don't have a home.

I'm sure mom would be disappointed. But she's not here.

I'm sure Giles would be disappointed. But he's not here either.

And dad? I don't care what he thinks anymore.

Buffy managed to live this way for a few months. I'm smarter than her - I can do this longer. Because unlike her, I have nowhere to go back to. So I'm going to have to do it, for longer.

Slay it!

Log 3 : Five Vampires Eradicated [14 Nov 2004|01:25am]

[2200] Upon patrolling Sunnydale's cemeteries it was discovered that there are more than just vampires stalking at night. There was a brief encounter with another demon. Its epidermis covered in fur, and both claws and canine teeth protruding. The creature lunged at a friend and myself. After the struggle there was minimal damage and I continued to patrol.

Shortly after, there was an encounter with five vampires. All dusted with minimal damage taken.

Post effects normal, primarily lethargic, lightheadedness and minor dizziness.

Summers home is quiet with no communication with neither Buffy nor Dawn. The hunt will continue and further logs will be processed.

Slay it!

[Dream Sequence] - The Plan [14 Nov 2004|01:01am]

Every now and again Sam tossed and turned from a troubled sleep, dreaming the dream she had been through a thousand times in her mind. Fingers clutched the white sheets of her bed as she whimpered and grunted. Beads of sweat trickled down her forehead as her eyes held shut despite her efforts to open them....

It was summer and she spent the last day of school with Jimmy and Vance, plotting away summer gig time in Sunnydale. Sam skateboarded home quickly, excited to tell her father about "Up and Away"'s plans. Upon reaching her house she noticed the street filled with unmarked white vans, polished and prim, all facing the same way even though they lined both sides of the street.

Popping her skateboard into her arms she ran into the open door of her house, heart beating as she called out nervously, "Daddy?" It would be the last time she would call her father such, as a man in a white bio suit reached out and grabbed Samantha, holding her arms painfully tight as her father and two other men in business suits came from the other room, "Samantha, we are leaving." Samantha struggled and began to cry, "No! Tell them to let me go! They're hurting me! Please? I don't want to go..." With a nod from her father's head another man in a full bio suit steps besides them and injects a long needle into her thigh, which causes her body to go limp and unconscious.

In what seemed like days of sleeping, Sam woke up to the beeping and dripping of machines. Shortly the machines stopped and Sam sat up to yank the multiple IV's from her arms. After regaining composure she looked around, she was in a circular room, the purest of white walls and lighting. The table she was laying on was silver; everything in the room had a cold feeling to it. She finally looked up and saw a window.

Behind the window stood her father, another suited man and many men in lab coats pushing buttons and writing. Sam watched on as the spoke, although watching their conversation only made things worse as she ran to the walls, striking them with closed fists, "Someone let me out! Help me! Please get me out of here!" Glancing back up to the window she saw her father and the official nod as a door was opened. The unfortunate thing was that they were not letting Sam out, but letting something in as a male with a twisted look on his face, brow low and canine teeth protruding as it lunged towards Sam.

Sam's cell phone was beginning to go off as she snapped up in bed, panting heavily and reached over blindly for her phone off the nightstand, "Agent Reynolds?" she said shakily.

"Samantha, you have not been reporting. You are breeching protocol and we will be forced to send more agents. This isn't play time, Samantha, do your duty!" And with that the other end clicked.

Sam sighed and turned her phone off as she whispered, "Nice to talk to you too father..." and finally she pulled herself out of bed and went to get her laptop.
Slay it!

Better.. [12 Nov 2004|05:40pm]

[ mood | okay ]

Things have been better with me and Michael.. after we had that big fight and broke up for a while, I went over to return his stuff and to tell him where to go... and I just couldn't do it. His eyes were all red and puffy, like he'd been crying. So we started talking about the stuff in the box, and I was telling him about all this stuff that he didn't remember... and I realized it really wasn't fair of me to expect him to be someone he's not anymore. I have to get to know the new Michael. So we're starting all over again.

We went out on a date together - something we were never able to do before. It was absolutely awesome! We went to see a movie, then out to the Bronze. And we danced together, and held hands at the table.. even kissed. And talked, a lot - about things they way they are now, not about the past. About the future... and that we still have a future.

So we're back to being together, and going on actual dates even! I'm really happy about that. And I'm finding that under all the sarcasm and apathy, he's a scared lonely boy with a really sweet nature. Different than the Michael I knew before, but still wonderful in his own way. The dance studio is going well, and Mike still loses himself a lot in dancing - it keeps him from thinking about his problems, and gives him an outlet for all that frustrating stuff, I think. He's absolutely stunning when he's dancing- if anything, he's become more graceful and talented through becoming younger. It seems like his body remembers the techniques, and he's more limber from being a teenager... so yeah, good combination. It's funny how surprised he is when he finds out he 'knows something' that he isn't consciously aware of.

Jon and Tara came up with some ways to keep Michael's soul out of hell. He's been trying to decide which one of them he wants to try- it's a big decision. Some of them involve giving up magic, some are just 'live a good life' kind of things, some involve having to steal his soul back or regrow another. That's really weird, the thought that you can regrow your soul.

At home, things are okay - my Ma and Pa are letting me go over to Jon's for the big Thanksgiving dinner, which made Maggie pitch a big fit because she's got to stay home and can't go over her friends. Well, she's 12, so she doesn't really have much say in it - and besides, it's not like she's part of a big group or anything, she just wants to go over to Marcie's house because her parents are having ham instead of turkey and she doesn't like Ma's turkey (well, it is a bit dry, but still). Chris isn't going anywhere- he's just looking forward to watching the game with Pa and eating himself silly. And Joey's only little, so he's just excited about learning how to make handprint turkeys in preschool. He even gave Michael one to hang in the dance studio- a turkey in legwarmers drawn by a four year old is really insanely cute, by the way. It's weird how my parents just seem to accept that Michael's younger now... I think they know more about the supernatural than they let on, or something. Jon says it's 'Sunnydale Syndrome', and it happens all the time. People just kind of accept things that there's no rational explanation for, because it keeps their brains from exploding or something. Well, cool... because living there they're going to need to do that.

I wonder how Ewan's family is dealing with things? I mean... Thanksgiving is time for family and all, and now their son is gone... that's got to be really devastating. Maybe next time I see Vance or Buffy I'll ask if there's anything we can do for them, like take over a food basket or a sympathy card or something. I hope Dawn's okay... I haven't seen much of her since Ewan's been... gone. It's weird not having either of them in school with us. Chloe and I still sit together at lunchtime, but now there's two empty chairs at our table. It's really freaky...

Slay it!

Findings [12 Nov 2004|03:25pm]

(Ok, I wanted to not jump on this, cause I wanted to give anyone else who wanted to a chance first, but since no one has about 24 hours later, I'm going to. If there has been something done that has not been brought to the community and you feel that you had propetorial (sorry, butchered that word) rights to it, I will be ok with changing this. I do not want to step on toes, but as far as I know this has not been done and needs to be!)

I had come upstairs after the conversation with Vance. It was an interesting conversation - in all good but not necessarily fun way. I had some things to think over, things that both he and Tara have been trying to get me to see for a while. I wanted to talk to Tara about it, but first I wanted to check in on Dawnie and see how she was doing.

She didn't answer when I knocked and there was no sound coming from her room. Like, none at all. I got a little worried and opened the door to peek in. She wasn't there.

I went into the room, worried and that's when I saw the note on the bed. Bad in the very not good super bad way!

I mean, I know, she's all Slayery now and can take care of herself, but what if she can't. What if while she's clearing her head she encounters something she can't handle. I guess if she's going away from Sunnydale, the chances of that decreases, but still!

We have to find her, which means I have to gather everyone. I wondered if Vance would consider divination an appropriate use in this situation. We cannot loose Dawnie too, not for just a summer (well, wrong season but still) like we did Buffy and NOT for good!
Slay it!

New friends, old friends... [11 Nov 2004|07:26pm]

[ mood | thankful ]

I guess I've been less than okay.

Spending a lot of time walking alone, and not sleeping... isn't exactly good for me. And I've been drinking a lot more than I should lately, and it's just not helping at all really. It's the memories that get me... and always without warning. Like while I was doing laundry tonight, folding up the socks... and I thought about how we'd thrown them at Ewan once when we were first teaching him about dodging and all that. So I looked away from the socks, thinking it would help... and of course my eyes fall right on my brother Adam's urn on the end table. Yeah, that helped.

So last night, I grabbed my sketchbook and headed out for the 'porch' of our crypt, figuring to sketch in the moonlight. I hadn't gotten more than a few shaky lines in when I heard this music drifting on the air. Kind of a melancholy tune, just how I felt. So I got up and started to follow it...

There was this guy, this punk looking guy, sitting on a raised grave playing a guitar. He turned and pulled a cross on me as I was approaching. Smart guy. So once we established that neither one of us was undead, we started talking. His name is Jimmy - he's that friend of Vance's from high school. The one he used to have a band with. And damn, is he insightful. We sat on the gravestone for a while, talking about things... he knows where I'm coming from, on the loss thing. He said that the first woman he ever loved got sucked into a portal of some sort in New Orleans, few weeks back. But he's still living. That's what he said, we got to keep on going... and that the world is a shitty place, but we've got to keep on fighting or they'll win. Talking to him really made me feel better... we even talked about drinking. He doesn't. I wish I didn't. Well, what can you do? Maybe someday I'll give it up. But one thing at a time. Also talked about miracles... and he seems to believe in them. I really want to believe in them, too. But I don't. Not any more. Maybe life will surprise me.. but I doubt it...

Jimmy had to go after a while, but he said he'd drop back in a few days from now. He's an insomniac like I've become (again) lately, so it all works out. I showed him where our crypt is, and told him he's welcome to drop in whenever.

When I came back in, I sat down on the couch to wait for Spike to come home. He'd gone out earlier that evening, to play Kitten Poker I think. We haven't been connecting well lately, not as well as we used to. I think all this sadness is getting in the way- it's hard to be happy when we're both working on our own issues. I fell asleep watching the telly, and was halfway into one of those damn nightmares when I felt his arms around me, lifting me, holding me close as he carried me to bed. His whispered "I love you, pet" before tucking the covers around me made feel a lot better.

This morning I went to work, same as usual - got through my day alright. When I got home for the day, I gave Vance a call. Time to stop avoiding people... We're going to go out to the Bronze and hang tonight. Though he did have an interesting insight into my problem... "Part of your problem Tamara is you live in a graveyard, so you live, breath, sleep and dream of death...." He's right, so right. He did have good news though... Ewan's gone off to seek a soul in Africa. So he might not be as lost as I'd thought....

Slay it!

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