Willow Rosenburg (branchingwillow) wrote in sacrificial,
Willow Rosenburg
branchingwillow
sacrificial

Truth and Consequences

Lots of debating over what to do about Dawnie. I am worried, and maybe I made the wrong decisions last night. Sometimes I think I don't want to be an adult any more. I don't want what Michael got, but sometimes being an adult is much harder than I ever imagined.

I chose, originally, to go with Ewan, Spike, and Tamara to find Dawnie. I also chose to do a divination spell to get a more exact location on Dawnie. I agree with Tara and Vance that we couldn't just go off willy-nillyish into San Francisco. So, I wanted a better source of information. I cast a spell, I used magic. I know Vance disagrees with my choice, but I have to, ultimately, be the one who chooses how and when I use magic.

However, after I came downstairs and Vance, well he didn't say not to go or lecture or anything, but he clearly disapproved. Ewan - oh yeah, Ewan's back with a soul that making love won't cost him - wanted me to go in case, "they needed magic." Even literally picking me up and carrying me, but do I really need to use more magic? I gave them the information I had and chose not to go.

I'm not really sure that was the right choice now that I look back on that. I guess I could have been more, "I'll go, but I'm not using magic."

See, this is why I'm not sure I want to do the grown-up thing anymore - I'm not exactly very good at it. How can I expect Dawnie to listen to me if I'm not even sure I am a good adult in the adulty way?
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